The past few years I have fought for things I thought I wanted in my life. I fought for the right to be free, to have certain people in my life, to love who I want. today I realized no one is willing to stand up for me. At a time when I am seemingly vulnerable, you would think the people closest to me  would get it, take care to treat me right and not fuck me over. But that isnt the case of course, why would it be, I have been standing up for someone and today instead of following through on her word and being there for me, she decided to cower to her hateful life and not stand up for me. She never will. I am stuck in a whirlwind and I get a flash of frozen pictures every turn that shows me how fucked up I have let my life become. I cant make decisions for shit, I am confused, in pain daily, that is just the norm, and now I see that even after swearing there have been lies only to protect me the lying goes further, my whole world evolves around these lies. I confronted one today, stood in its face and asked outright. There was no screaming, there was no standing up for me, there was silence. staring back at me from four eyes that are so empty and backward it is surprising they can wipe their own asses. They probably cant. I asked questions, either with answers that confirmed lies or just the four eyed stare down. Did she stand up for me, no. Did she tell the truth, no. When do I fucking learn a lesson, when do I WALK AWAY AND LIVE MY LIFE.? All I do is live for others, I have tremendous time on my hands and all I do is cater to everyone else who are not there for me. When she was breaking down, not wanting to live, I was there, I was supportive to the millionth degree, I took care of her, her kids, her finances. Now I am falling apart, needing a friend, needing love, needing guidance and what do I get..a chuckle, she laughed, she fucking laughed! Instead of standing up for me, supporting me, telling me the truth, I find lies, laughs and backwards redneck fucktards that have no clue how to treat anyone. No idea of how to have a relationship, no answers, no screaming, all lies. No one stood up for me.

Advertisements