I want to run..run away..today I thought, there is no escape for the weary. I am too tired, too weak..But in my head I just want to get out. I want to be by myself, live by myself, sleep eat..just all by myself. I dont know where, I dont know how. I have never lived alone, never been on my own. I went from my Moms to my Husbands..never just me. Which has lead to the question of who am I, how long have I been without knowing my true self. Just me. I feel if I run I will know, I will have to find out. Learn what is inside of me and be that person whoever she may be.

I have been in runaway mode for some time, I cant talk to anyone about this because NO ONE understands, at least no one I know. I have tried to have hope, tried to have dreams, everyone else interjects themselves into my dreams. MY dream is to be by myself. I guess after so long of belonging to someone else and living the dreams of others. When I did talk about MY dream, it now has taken on new form and become ‘our’ dream..

I have little choices, although other people may look at my situation from the outside and see a world of choice..but with no say on my part, no decisions I can make alone, those ‘seen’ choices are diminished. A funny thing that runs through my head is something said the other day..regarding me to someone else…how if I left I would be walking away from the goose that lays the golden eggs..well..those eggs arent gold to me, they come with a price..one I am not wanting, willing or able to pay any more.

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