I cannot rest, my life in turmoil, my family not speaking to me. No friends except those that dont really know me. A partner who looks at me like he is sickened that I breathe. My heart is held by someone who chose to scream Fuck You as she drove by my home. She who has blocked me from calling or contacting her. No goodbyes, no see ya..just vitriolic texts.

I want to be alone. I want to not have to live up to expectations or feel nervous about what I did or said to make everyone hate me. I want to live my life the way it is in my head and that will never be. That has been decided for me. I wait and pray and all the while the change in the person who I hold so dear has turned me to question my own self, my own trust.
I feel pushed and pulled by my own self conscience. What keeps me waking and breathing everyday if all that I have dreamed for is a fallacy.

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