Promises used to matter. promises made to each other out of love, out of care. When past tense is used in paragraphs and texts lovED, carED, needED..fuck..dead love is not good happy love. promises forgotten, love forgotten, care and concern forgotten. Why are memories so bad, remembering those promises, the words of love, the years invested..is not dwelling, a recollection is not living in the past. you can live FOR the future but still remember the past. Everyone seems to have different memories, mine are filled with love, fun, joy..of our life, the long and short of it.

Saying you have no memories, you loved me, you once cared, means its over..in my mind I knew all along it was over, everyone else could see..but not me. I fought the end hard, I got in your face, explained how I felt, I got looked at with dead eyes, eyes manipulated by better things, newer things, you prioritized the monetary things, the “what lies ahead” for you is a life without me, yet you promised me I would be your future, it would be us together..always..Fucking liar..Fucking lies..your words are full of them, They come flowing from your mouth so easily. To me, to him, to them..to all the people who you pretend to be someone else for. Your fake fucking world will crash in on you one day. I wont be there this time to pick you up, strengthen you, talk to you through the night so you can wake fresh and feel good about yourself. You have taken that part of me and destroyed it. You have killed my soul, tormented my heart til it burst. It is dead now, my life is no more precious than all those fucking promises. And when I wither and bleed out, you will move on to the next buck, the next job, priorities will take away every last memory of me from your mind. Though most have been gone for some time, you have CHOSEN to forget. Forget us, the love, the DEEP love we knew was inside us. You lied and said you still felt it, you promised it would never go away. You fucking lied again.

My promise is to scrawl your fucking name into my skin before I close my eyes and never wake. And that is a promise I will keep. Not for you..for ME.

Advertisements