Still as in still here, still going, still trying..but definitely not still in the calm sense. I still feel like I am having a nervous breakdown every day. I still feel like I am having a heart attack every day, still in pain, still angry and hurt by the lying bitch who ignores me and chooses to not speak to me, yet moves on with her lies and life unaffected. It wouldnt be so bad if she wasnt in my face daily, way too close for comfort for me. I know hurt becomes anger and my levels are off the charts. Trying hard to keep peace within the house, not always working, left on friday and slept in truck..vicious circle shit that never ends..12 yrs ago I had doubts..12 yrs later and added habitual behaviors on his part and mine nothing has changed except we still cannot connect like we used to. I want to be positive, want to feel ok about moving forward but cannot take anymore of life in the circle..Still I am here..still going..so far.

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