SO when you make a decision and then fight to make it come true while you are in that process you never quite know how things will turn out. I mean you cant see the future right? You go step by step towards what you believe your destiny to be and when you make there you feel a certain accomplishment. Who would think an idea, a dream, a passing whim would turn out to be your lifes plan. It still may not be the ideal arrangement, it still may not be what you envisioned prior to making it come true, and of course it will never be perfect. Nothing could ever be perfect. You take your problems with you. Your skies overhead are different, your views all around may have changed, but your being, the feelings and thoughts that live inside you are the same. You cannot change just because of that choice.

My life is renewed, hope once again has entered my mind. The things I see and the energies that surround me now are alive. I do not feel like I am dying a slow lonesome death. Loneliness remains but life has shown relief, gone are overwhelming thoughts of self destruction, thoughts of how to run. It will never be perfect but I am on a better path. One of healing and self repair. My focus is true and binding, the promises I have made will lie dormant inside until the time is just. I cannot hurt for my own need. I must be resilient and strong. In the meanwhile I will get well as I can possibly get.