I have been sleeping my life away. Sadly all the things I wanted to see and do here aren’t happening. I feel awful. Possibly thyroid but it has worn on me to the point I am unsocial. I dont want to go out, I dont want to stay in. I force myself to get to the store for groceries to be considerate, Little good it does me. My sleeping has thrown my body clock off and I am up all hours or sleeping through the ones when I should be awake.

Coming here I fooled myself into believing I would be better. “I am gonna walk, ride bikes, kayak, swim every day. ” I have been swimming but maybe 2x a week. Wanting so badly to get to the beach last week but was too tired. The spoon theory is pissing me off as I never have enough to get through half the day. I am lazy. I hate it. I try to paint, I can barely see, I cant focus my eyes, all is a blur. I bought pharmacy readers, highest available, they allow me to see my iPod and paint closely. I am not liking anything I am painting, who is gonna even want it. I dont even have energy to sit at the local flea to sell my shit. The arts association seems snobby. Money money money..memberships, forms to fill out..I wanted to get my Ga License to do hair but the form is confusing and I think to myself ‘why cant I concentrate anymore?’ Even typing I have to go back a hundred times to see if its right. I touch type..I fear my future is dim..no career, no money..no good days..bad health..what does that leave? Me just a mess in a ball on the couch. Sleeping again.

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