The last few years I realize that there are things I need that I am not getting. It is my fault I had those things and I made huge mistakes and fucked it up and lost them. I never thought I had regrets in life..fate you know? Shit just happens..but This was something I set forth in motion, made myself and others crazy and forcefully changed my life in a direction I thought would be healing. It wasn’t. I haven’t healed, I have gotten physically and emotionally more lost and ill.When will I learn and make the right move towards making myself happy, towards living my life for me. I am more stuck than ever. Like I burrowed down into a hole with my memories and although I try to make new ones, I try to move on..I cant.