Why must I be so indecisive all the time. Why couldnt I make a solid choice 10 yrs ago..13 yrs ago..15 yrs ago..3 yrs ago..now? I am so pissed at myself for continuing on the same path when I deeply know better, and have all along. Do I hope for some fucking miracle? When do I think that will happen? It wont. I cant. I am so tired, more than I ever have been and the weight is wearing me see through thin. I am ready to relinquish every thing I have and walk the fuck away from the bullshit. Done with relationships, done trying, done feeling sick and shitty constantly. If I wasnt so wishy fucking washy I would have gotten this shit done by now. I feel like I am behind and never going to catch up and dont want to try anymore.

It is only a matter of time..and that time is running out.